On the Spectrum

I understand that, but I try not to let it happen.

renegadeTom wrote:

It seems to me that most aspies I meet online are males who have been nerdy misfits all their lives, laughed at in school, into comic books and star trek, etc.   The idea that they could have anything in common  with a sexy female, or that a sexy female could face the same problems they do, is alien to them, because, to them, women like this have always just been something they want but are distant and unattainable.

I used to be like that as a kid and teenager, misfit, was into star trek a lot. But I changed, I am no longer a misfit. I have learn to take care of myself in appearance like hair styling, dressing etc. I have developed interests and hobbies which get into contact with attractive NT women. I am no longer a stereotypical geek to the extent when I meet attractive aspie females they are much more geeky/nerdy (into science fiction or anime or computers) than I am    I have met only one aspie female IRL who I actually share a lot in common and she is not a typical aspie female either (she is an fitness addict and likes being around with people like me).

Apart from my use of Linux and my taste for Dark, Black music and film. My interests and hobbies match those a lot of NT’s who become politicans, lawyers, academics, political workers and activists. They are much more extroverted and socially skilled than I am. I have a feeling I will marry an extroverted NT woman (a lot like my sister), although one who is quirky for sure

tickle wrote:

I think the main reason a lot of female aspies care about their apperance is taht they don't have is as severley as males.
Also.. whats attractive to aspie males could be unnattractive to NT males.

What? You may think that, but I find that men don't necessarily have AS more severely than women nor have I ever come across any hard, objective and creditable data that says so. I do find that Aspie men do tend to be very egocentric, as is most Aspies, so they don't do a very good job at realizing that Aspie women are more like them than they like to assume. On the other hand, Aspie women do seem to be better at empathy despite our inlcinations to Aspie egocentricism. Moreover, I have found many Aspie men seem to want Aspie women to not be like them or not "get" them,  be it out of arrogance, self-pitying or misogyny. BTW, I also find that Aspie men are more likely to be misogynists than NT men, probably due to their egocentricism and lack of emotional development leading them to blame other people for their unhappiness.

One more thing, most Aspie women I know, and myself as well, don't care excessively about our looks, and not that much more than AS men.When it comes to vanity, anyhow, both genders are pretty equal, regardless to what the men say and what society leds us to believe. 

As for AS (hetero) men vs NT (hetero) men is regards to what they find attractive, it's pretty much the same, if you ask me. It comes down to some very primal things - appearences are apparently high on the list, if not the important thing. Tom is an example of that. I mean, sure he knew this author was AS, but he based his opinion that she was "sexy" totally on her photograph! How is that different from NT men? That's what I find with all the AS men I've known, once you cut away their bull s*** and self-delusions about how different they are from NT men. I'm sure AS men find the same feminine physical attributes attractive as NT men (aside from any fringe-culture fetishes) - do you guys not also have that biological imperative to breed and thus find a healthy, fertile mate? Wouldn't that mean your primal sexual drives are geared towards physical traits in females that demonstrate that - facial symmetry, youthful skin, indicators of estrogen like lack of body hair, small noses, full lips and breasts??? Who are you kidding????

duncvis wrote:

Bollocks to that. Attractive is as attractive does, and not being true to who you are is a recipe for failure IMO. A lot of 'attractive' people have seriously undesirable personality traits, or an inflated opinion of their own worth. The same can be said of 'unattractive' people. Surely its better to go for overall compatibility than conventional attractiveness? tickle makes a good point also that what aspie males find attractive in a woman a lot of NT males may not, and vice versa.
Hell, I'm a misfit and was determined to stick out like a sore thumb as a teenager, in the belief that anyone male or female who was worth having as a friend or 'romantic interest' who didn't get me the way I was they weren't worth bothering with. And I haven't had much trouble really.

My advice to you Tom is to take a deep breath, look at what you have. Do you need a woman in your life? If so, does her neurology matter? Why the frig wouldn't a woman who was my type be interested - I'm The Man! ...and then carry on regardless. One day someone you like, who likes you, will appear (provided you leave the house occasionally, heh) - and you'll find them gorgeous. So stop beating yourself up and getting disheartened mate, there's time yet.

Dunc

thanks I think I am happy being single now.  I had a relationship with a female aspei but it ended badly.

Going back to the original question, my opinion is that you're more likely to find a suitable partner in someone with AS; so, if you're looking for a relationship you're best using your time concentrating efforts where there are females with AS. Apart from that, dunc gives good advice, IMO. However, I don't believe it will be easy.

renegade Tom wrote:

I had a relationship with a female aspie but it ended badly.

Most relationships do, unfortunately. Even those who think they have a loyal partner, and post in these places about how good their relationship is, will on the balance of probabilities eventually feel the despondency and bitterness that comes of betrayal. All you can do, then, is dust yourself off, and try again.

They never knew your true beauty... How lucky am I?

ascan wrote:

renegade Tom wrote:

I had a relationship with a female aspie but it ended badly.

Most relationships do, unfortunately. Even those who think they have a loyal partner, and post in these places about how good their relationship is, will on the balance of probabilities eventually feel the despondency and bitterness that comes of betrayal. All you can do, then, is dust yourself off, and try again.

Or join a convent/monastary/cult which orders celibacy.